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Today I am climbing out of my self imposed blog-tirement to tell you the story of my new tattoo. I knew if I just posted a couple pics you guys would just think it’s the same nutty crap you always get from me but there is an actual reason for it.

Alright, everyone knows what ACME is right? If you don’t please open a new tab and go to YouTube to look up old looney toons of the roadrunner and coyote. Every time Wile E. Orders a package to catch the roadrunner it comes from a company called ACME. 

Unfortunately for him they never work right. They fall apart when they shouldn’t, don’t blow up when they should and are almost totally unpredictable.  That would be me, my sister Suzanne, and my niece Emilee. the only predictable thing about us is alcohol will be involved. So we decided to get matching tattoos.  

Now I’m crawling back into my hole and let’s hope I don’t explode.

Since the 10k with my father is coming up in a couple weeks, Curtis and I have decided to actually try to get outside and train a little so my 60 year old father won’t humiliate us too bad.  Even though I say I live in Portland or even Beaverton we actually live out in the middle of nowhere.  Well not quite in the middle of nowhere.  Our town does have a gas station….and a park…. We are practically a hub of civilization.

The hills behind our house are pretty much untouched.  There is a nice gravely road that we have recently discovered that winds up for miles.  It’s a nice steady incline and since the mud run we are participating in has a horrendous hill at the start it was decided that we should try getting used to running up this one.

The day was beautiful!  The forest was beautiful.

We saw possum, plenty of hawks and even a bald eagle.  Of course we are positive there were skunks because their fragrance was in the air.  We also know there are cougars up there.  I hope you just had an image of an older MILF prowling through the woods in her high heels, tight dress, and martini glass.  These however are the actual large kitty cats.  No worries.  We carry pepper spray when we go out.  So if they come after us at least I will be nice and seasoned for them.

Mmm…peppered Lizzie.

The other nice thing is someone has painted mile markers on the trees.  Unfortunately at a mile and a half it started to rain…..

And rain……

Because we live in Oregon we do have water proof jackets..but…..I didn’t realize that if you wash your water proof things with fabric softener it ruins the actually water proofing.  I was soaking wet right away.

We were stubborn and carried on.  Around mile two it rained harder.  I gave up.  So down we went.  Next time hopefully the skies won’t dump on us but this is Oregon.

Alright, alright.  I know I have been away from the blogging for a bit.  Did you miss me?  No?  Well I didn’t miss you either.  Just kidding I really did miss you.  Between school, work and drinking I have just been so out of time to do much else.  Especially trying to be creative.

So what should we catch up first?  What about my scuba final.  That went swimmingly.  No, no it didn’t.

For those of you who have been around for a bit you will remember that we took scuba lesions in January and February.  I loved the pool.   Ok, what I loved was wearing cute swimsuits and being able to breathe underwater while checking out band aids left by little kids.  Seriously kids?  You know those things are not water proof!

Open water weekend was going to happen up in Seattle.  So Friday night we left after work to take a nice three hour drive up through Washington.  We pulled into our hotel around 9ish and headed to our room to get some sleep because we had to be up early the next morning.

Right on time we met up with our group in the parking lot and caravanned to our first dive site, Seacrest Park.  Right away I started having misgivings. Why?  Because it was 20 degrees outside and there was this on the ground,

That my friends is snow.  Not much snow I will admit but I was starting to get more than a little worries.  Nevermind.  We paid for this and damn it we were going to dive!

First let me show you how happy I was.

Yes.  I look like freakin sunshine and rainbows. I also look like a conehead but that has nothing to do with my temperament.

They kept telling us that once you were in the water you actually stayed warm because of the wet suit.  So on went our tanks and weight belts and in to the Puget Sound we plunged…..and…..it was cold at first but then you really did warm up.  I guess they were not lying.  We had to make 4 dives, two on Saturday and two on Sunday, and one hour apart.  Each dive we were suppose to show that we did pay attention in class (ahem…so I’m a space cadet) and could do some life saving techniques.  Our own life I mean.  We managed to muddle through the first dive and then disaster stuck.  I had to leave the water.  Don’t tell me that’s not a disaster.  The fact that I put on an extremely tight wetsuit should be considered a disaster.   Why was leaving the water so bad?  Because as soon as you did you got cold.  So I did what I always do and I became childish.  I sat in the shallows for a bit glaring at anyone that thought about helping me out.  Finally I emerged and tried to peel this freezing cold skin tight wetsuit off me in 20 degree weather.  I was sure I was going to die.  I also know I say that a lot but this time I was sure.

Obviously I didn’t die.  I got the damn thing off before I died of exposure and huddled in the car trying to warm up.  I couldn’t.  Every time I tried to get out of the car I would start to shake.  That’s when I knew there wasn’t a chance in hell that I was going to put that cold wetsuit back on and get back in the water.  I was done.  Screw it all anyway.

We slunk back to our hotel, tails between our legs and took the longest, hottest shower I could.  Then for safety measures (I’m talking about Curtis’ because I was moody) I took a nap.  I don’t think I have ever been so cold in my life.

That night we went to dinner with the group.  Out of 14 people, only 4 managed to do the second dive.  The other 8 got smart and took off with screeching tires.  Even the dive masters said that those conditions were the second worst that they have ever seen for a dive.  So basically what we have to do it wait until it warms up and then try again.  I’m thinking July, in Maui.  Or maybe July and Seattle won’t be 20 hideous degrees.

Yes I did another run.  I think this blog is just turning into the bun and race blog.  This one was called Race for the Roses.  Everyone who had ran this before told me it was easier than the shamrock run because the course was mostly level.  And it was, except for the bridge right before the finish line.  So there you are, you have run for 3 miles and all you have to do is run up a hill?  Ahah.  Let’s just say I wasn’t the only one walking.

We normally like to get to the race site about a half hour early.  This time though….it was early and we were slacking.  Then we realized we didn’t know where we were going, ended up taking a wrong turn and having to drive back across the river just to get back.  Then find parking.  We found ourselves running to the start line.  I guess it was a warm up.

Once you crossed the finish line they handed you a rose.  I ended up with 7, donated by all my friends that did the run.  With as many roses as there were I don’t think anyone noticed that I had a couple extra.

But made it I did.  The best part was I did it a minute faster than the last 5k.  I wish I could say I have been training but if you want to really know all I have been doing is sitting on my couch with a beer and 4 pounds of redvines.  Of course I was happy with a minute but its not all that much.  I would love to say I need to pick it up a bit because I have an 8k in a week and a half.  We will see.

We have now had Oliver for two months now.  His little fluffy fur has turned silky and his jumping and chewing abilities never fail to surprise us.  Bunnies love to chew on cords.  So we keep all cords away from his teeth of doom.  All he needs is two seconds and now I need a new power cord for my computer.

He will never be a lap bun.  He hates to be held or picked up.  He kicks and scratches when we try to trim his nails.

He thinks Rocket is his best friend and will follow him all over.  Even if it means up on the couch in our laps, because that’s where Rocket is.   He loves bananas and all you have to do is rustle the treat bag and he comes running for a banana chip.

The other two cats ignore him.  They have deemed him inedible and therefore not worth noticing.  Occasionally he will get to close to belladonna and she starts to hiss frantically at the little thing that is about a third her size.  He does pack a good bite though.  I found this out because he wanted down to go play and I wanted to snuggle him.  He nipped a couple times to let me know that he wasn’t happy before giving me a good bite that barely broke my skin but left a nasty bruise.  Lesson learned.

He hilarious to watch play and his favorite toy is a toilet paper roll and a little box.  He loves to jump in and out of the cat beds and play in the kitty structure.  We are hoping he likes car rides because he’s probably going to California with us in two months.

Even though my first run was not a hmm…..success (i.e. running drunk is a bad bad idea), I decided to suck it up and run another one.  Of course I had learned one good lesson from the first try.  I didn’t get falling down drunk the night before.  Just normal drunk.

Our first race was the middle of December and we amazingly had good weather.  Would there be a repeat for the middle of March?  Nope.  It rained nonstop.  My friend Danielle kept telling me the luck of the Irish would make it nicer but she didn’t understand I am part Irish and I was going to use any luck I had to work on not dying during the race.

Eventually we hid under a bridge to hide from the rain.  Of course there were 31000 people signed up for the shamrock run.  There were a lot of us trolls hanging out under there.

Finally we started running.

The race was pretty level the first mile, brutally uphill the second mile, and thankfully the third was all down.  I managed to keep staggering, only stopping once during the last uphill part because I was either going to throw up or fall down from lack of air.  When you’re an airhead you need all the air you can get.  But finish I did.  With a pathetic 35 mins on the clock and my hair plastered wet to my head.  All I wanted was my beer and a change of clothing.

So beer we had.  Even free beer.  The run cost 30 dollars to do.  My company paid for it.  When you ran the race you got a free beer.  My company essentially bought me a beer.  Yea for free beer.  Then we got even more free beer from some people inside.  Even I was willing to ignore the rain falling when I have enough alcohol in me.

I have four more races in the next three months.  Ranging from 5k to 10k.  I really need to get my butt in gear and get some more training in.  Right after I finish a couple more beers…..

It’s no secret that I have two left feet and If I stop paying attention for long enough I have a tendency to trip over them.  To put it nicely I cannot chew gum and walk at the same time.  I also know you just thought to yourself, “Doesn’t Liz wear a lot of stripper heels and boots?”  Yes, yes I do.  I just fall down a lot.

So here I am, very clumsy and at the best my equilibrium is toddler level, when Curtis mentioned taking a dance class.  I was a little surprised.  I’m good at bouncing back up but sometimes I take people out with me.  Could everyone in the dance class handle it?  Well since we didn’t know the answer to that and we didn’t care because it sounded like fun. So as long as I didn’t horribly maim myself or anyone else it was decided we would give it a try.

I admit I was more than a little nervous when we walked into the first class.  I had just worked a 12 hour shift and I’m sure I smelled like polyester and fast food but since I was dancing with Curtis it didn’t matter.  What?  I’m not dancing with Curtis?  Rotate partners to the left?  This is going to be bad.

Thankfully it was a beginner’s class.  Meaning I didn’t know what I was doing but neither did my partner.  Of course my partner was a older man and either he was offended by my perfume of eau de fast-food et polyester, or he had a problem with my extremely flat pink hair.  Perhaps the guy was just super nervous but regardless he had a stick jammed way up his backdoor orifice.  I cover up being shy by being silly.  So silly I was.  Oh I was making myself laugh but my partner did not want to be there and he showed it by ignoring me as much as you can ignore someone stepping on your feet.  Oh well.  Thankfully we switched again and I got someone new to trip over.

Surprisingly enough the class was actually a ton of fun.  Over the next several weeks we learned the waltz, swing, texas two-step, foxtrot (fast and slow) and my least favorite the polka.  I know.  How could the polka be boring?  Trust me.  When the teacher would yell “Everyone polka now!” I would get an over whelming urge to flee the building.  Thankfully by the end of the classes I was only falling down when she would make us polka (just for the fun of it) and I was reasonably good at not stepping on my partners.  During the last 15 minutes of each glass we would get the chance to dance with our original partner and Curtis would get stuck with me.

We were thinking about doing the next set of classes but they are all late at night and there is no way I can stay up that late on a work night.  When did I get so old?

A billion years ago when I was in high school we took a trip to the local SCUBA shop and they proceeded to gear us up and chuck us into the pool one at a time.  I’m pretty sure we had to watch a video or maybe they gave a lecture on safety and what we were doing first but all I really remember is them telling us not to chase the fish.  So what did I do?  I chased the fish.

I loved it.  I’ve always loved the water and this was even better because you could actually breathe down there!  After an hour of (not) chasing the fish and trying to coax my friend to stop being afraid and put her head under I emerged wanting more.  I was even pulled aside by the instructor and told that I did really well and I really should become certified.  Who knows.  Maybe he told that to everyone but I left feeling sure that I would return.

I never did.

So a billion years and several conversations with Curtis later we decided it was time.  As our Christmas presents to each other we would both learn SCUBA and six weeks ago we threw ourselves into the water.  Well we put swimsuits on first.

Because I am a dreamer I had no idea how much effort actually went into getting certified.  I just assumed I would show up in my cute bikini, and they would hand me my gear and proclaimed me queen of the air.  Because I’m awesome.  The reality was we had to spend two dreary hours in class each week learning about nitrogen levels, tides, and that pretty much everything will give me the bends or kill me.  Run out of air.  You’re dead.  Eat too much sand.  You’re dead.

Well….maybe that stuff is all a given but my mind wanders so much when its tired and trying to work on clearing the alcohol from the previous night out of my system.  I actually managed to pass the final test just fine and the pool sessions were pretty fun.  Especially when they gave us a couple free minutes and I would spend the time tugging on people’s fins and attacking Curtis underwater.

This weekend is our open water dive.  What that means is they taught us all the necessary skills in the pool but we have to go out into the ocean and prove that we really know them.  Just in case you have never been to the Oregon coast, let me tell you one thing.  It’s freaking cold.  Summer, winter, it doesn’t matter.  It’s freezing.  So of course I’m training for it by sitting on the couch eating enough Girl Scout cookies to coax my body into growing a nice layer of blubber to keep me warm.  Well that and to make sure I look super hot and whale like when I get into my wetsuit.

If I turn into a liz-sicle this weekend someone needs to come save the bunny.  James, you’re the closest.  You like bunnies right?  You are now the new bunfather.  Next time I see you I would like to see your impersonation of Marlon Brando.  If I survive and no one throws a harpoon at me.

A couple years ago my sister got a bunny.  Since I have this horrible envy problem I promptly stuck out my bottom lip and gave Curtis the most pathetic Disney eyes I could pull asking for a bunny of my own.  He said no.

Insert years of crying and sobbing.

So when Curtis turned to me after work and asked “So I found you a present.  I’m not sure if you want it though.”

He had found me an adorable 6 week old dwarf bunny.  Of course I want.  I spent the next couple days squirming and whining, waiting for the moment I could go pick up my new fuzzy guy.  Finally Sunday came and I swooped down to the pet store for my new bundle of joy.

This is Oliver.

Ignore the dusty floor.  You try keeping your dark laminate floor clean with this little dust mop running all over it.

I keep hoping the cats will eventually get used to him.  I pulled him out of his cage and let them give him a good sniff.  They promptly ran.  It must be his pure ferocity.

What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
Ran a 5k.  Drunk.  Then hungover.

Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Last year my resolution was to actually get into shape.  I wanted to make it ‘eat more cupcakes’ but I spent the last year avoiding those.  I have to admit that I could have done better with this resolution but since I actually started and plan on continuing with this running crap I think I’m doing alright.  This year I plan on continuing this trend.  More races.  Less cupcakes.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes.  My sister had her baby Danica Rain.

Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully no.

What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Fluffy bunnies!  Score!

What countries did you visit?
I didn’t go anywhere out of the country last year.  Sad.  I will fix that this year.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Running (walking) that damn 5k.

What was your biggest failure?
My depression went horribly out of control this last year.  I didn’t talk about it much because it’s a hard thing to admit to.  I wish I would have sought help before it got so bad, but everything worked out alright.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
My spleen surgery falls in this category.  It still hurts sometimes.

What was the best thing you bought?
Shoes?  Some great anti-depressants?  Booze?  Oh wait, my ipad.  Seriously.   Its better than booze.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
Curtis’s.  For loving me no matter what.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mine.  Shut up.

Where did most of your money go?
Booze? A new couch? Emilee? Downloaded books on my ipad?

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My ipad.  I wanted one for months before I actually got it.

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Just a touch sadder.  I’m working on it.
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner.  Yea for me.
iii. richer or poorer? Probably poorer.

What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercise.

What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being a whiny ass.

What would cheer you up today?
Cupcakes and beer.

What was your favorite TV program?
Fringe or the walking dead.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Myself

What was the best book you read?
Changes by Jim Butcher  or The player of games by Iain M Banks

What was your greatest musical discovery?
Parov stelar

What did you want and get?
An ipad.

What was your favorite film of this year?
Dinner for smucks

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Went to see Bob Dylan and John Mellencamp.  I turned 33.

What kept you sane?
Pretty sure I’m not.

What political issue stirred you the most?
Public heathcare.

Whom did you miss?
Always miss my dad.

Who was the best new person you met?
It was a toss up between Noah and this potato I found.  Noah won.  Barely.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  That’s what your friends and family are there for.